How to Stop Constantly Self-Editing
I went on vacation with just my brother last week.
Never done that before, which feels weird to admit in my 40s.
But here's the beauty of it: I didn't have to explain myself much. I could just be me.
One night, I decided to buy a bottle of wine. I wandered into a little shop near where we were staying.
My brother doesn't drink, so there was no consideration of what anyone else would enjoy.
No "well, my husband likes Pinots, so maybe I should get one of those."
Zero calculation.
I found a Syrah with a bit of Grenache. The label had this cool logo that looked like an ancient rune symbol. I was drawn to it immediately.
I bought it. I opened it. And I drank it exactly the way I wanted—small pours, savored over multiple nights.
If I'd been there with my husband?
That bottle would've been gone in one sitting. I would have chosen something he'd like more.
My enjoyment level would have been so much lower.
And I wouldn't have even noticed I was doing it.
That's when it hit me: I'm constantly self-editing.
I'm always thinking about how my choices and interactions affect my husband, my kid, my friends, my clients—pretty much anyone I come into contact with.
If there's any chance my actions could have a negative impact, I immediately try to change my behavior.
Now, if you're an asshole, sure—you should be monitoring your impact on others.
But if you're a fundamentally kind human? You don't need to constantly self-edit. When you do, you're robbing yourself of time, energy, and what it means to be true to yourself.
I have a genuinely good relationship with my husband. We're business partners. We've done therapy. We have a safe word for when we're triggering each other (highly recommend, by the way).
But even with all that? I'm still self-editing to make him happier.
And here's what I'm realizing…
Making compromises is important.
But it's not okay to lose yourself in the process.
I'm on the spectrum, which means I have very particular ways of thinking about things. My boundaries can come across as harsh sometimes.
But I don't think that's actually about being harsh. I think it's about self-editing, self-editing, self-editing—this repeating hamster wheelof adjusting myself for everyone around me—until I hit a breaking point.
That's when the harsh boundaries show up. When I'm too tired, too hungry, or I've just been doing it for too long without any respite.
It's happened with dear friends too.
Where I suddenly can't function.
I need to go full hermit mode. I can't process any more input.
That's exactly why this vacation with my brother was so phenomenal. We had conversations, sure. But there was also just... space. Space I don't get anywhere else.
I didn't realize how much I was missing it until I finally had it.
So here's what I want to ask you:
If any of this resonates, it tells me two things: you're an overthinker, and you're self-editing to a point that's costing you your time, energy, and connection to who you actually are.
I'm not saying that to be harsh. I'm just naming what I see.
Where do you notice yourself self-editing the most?
Is it with your partner? Your friends? At work? I'd love to know.
I'll be honest with you: this vacation didn't just teach me about self-editing in my personal life. It's also cracking something open in how I run my business.
I've spent the last six years throwing spaghetti at the wall, trying to figure out the "proper" way to show up for you.
Stuck in my own professional armor, worried about using the right buzzwords, trying to explain my work in a way that sounds impressive instead of just... true.
That stops now.
I'm working on something.
A shift in how I show up, what I offer, and how I talk about it—because what I do is genuinely special, and I'm done hiding that behind polished language that sounds fake.
More details coming in the next few weeks. But I wanted you to be part of this journey from the very beginning.
Because if you're self-editing too? You're not broken, even if it feels that way 98% of the time.
