The 3 Biggest Myths About Boundaries
“Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens”
- Mandy Hale
It’s usually easier to see where there is a lack of a boundary in your life, instead of where you have solid boundaries.
When there isn’t a clear boundary you feel unsure, frustrated, or like you’ve been left in the dark. That leads to fear and then your inner critic is on full blast. That’s no fun.
Boundaries give the opposite of that. They give you clarity, simplicity, and peace of mind.
What exactly does it mean to set (and maintain) a boundary?
Let’s bust the 3 biggest myths about boundaries so you can feel clear about what they are and what they’re not.
Myth #1: Setting boundaries means always saying no
Nope! Setting a boundary is more like having a code word or a secret hand signal, it’s like you’re in a super secret awesome club!
For example, when you walk in the door and your partner is so excited to see you and launches into EVERY.SINGLE.DETAIL of the new client he scored today and you just want to put your purse down and pull on your comfy pants.
You genuinely want to hear about his new client (maybe not every detail), you want to be excited for him, but you were just stuck in the worst traffic wearing your tightest jeans. Everything from the waist down feels numb and you’re not sure your brain is getting full circulation now, so there’s no way you’ll remember this conversation.
Specifying a time or activity when it’s ok to share is an important part of boundary setting.
It’s fun to come up with a code word like squirrel or alfalfa. Something you wouldn’t say in a normal conversation, that communicates to your partner in one word that you love them, you want to hear what they have to say, but can they please for the love of god save it for later when you can actually pay attention to the words coming out of their face?
Myth #2: Setting boundaries makes people angry
Not really, the other person might be surprised, or might not believe you if it’s something you’ve never done before, their reaction is rarely angry.
For example: you’ve got a co-worker that loves karaoke and they love to drag you along because they think you need it. They want you to have more friends, they love it when you’re on your third drink and bust out “I Will Survive”, and in their extroverted logic they think they’re doing you a favor of getting you out of your shell.
The reality is you’d much rather be home finishing your book for bookclub because you don’t want the ending spoiled for you when you show up at bookclub on Saturday.
Your extroverted co-worker might not get it, they might be disappointed if you say you’d rather stay home and read, but they’re not going to be angry unless they’re a total douche-bag of a person and then you don’t want anything to do with them anyway.
Myth #3: It’s selfish to prioritize time for yourself
Now you might be thinking, what does this myth have to do with boundaries?
A lot actually:
The most difficult person to hold a boundary with is YOURSELF.
You’ve been conditioned to believe that your partner’s, kids’, work, fur babies’ needs ALL come before yours and your inner critic has convinced you that it’s selfish to prioritize time for you.
The reality is that it's selfish to NOT prioritize time for you.
Read that one again: it's selfish to NOT prioritize time for you.
If you’re an exhausted, depleted, and frustrated human shell then your capacity to care for the people (and fur babies) in your life is close to nil.
You can’t be the awesome human that you are if you don’t put your oxygen mask on first. (seriously!)
Make the time for you, put it on your calendar, make it non-negotiable and tell everyone that it’s non-negotiable so they respect your boundary too.
The easiest way to ignore your own boundaries is to never clue anyone around you that they exist in the first place.
Your boundaries are important, your needs are important, make them a priority for yourself and watch how easily everyone else makes them a priority too.
Feeling stuck on how to make, communicate, or maintain your boundaries?
Then Boundaries & Balance: Setting Non-Negotiables is for you. Enrollment is only open until Friday and then you’ll have to wait until 2025 to join.
Don’t wait that long, your boundaries are important too.
Journaling prompt: What's stopping you from getting clear on your boundaries?
Boundaries & Balance: Setting Non-Negotiables is the six-week program for women and nonbinary folks with ADHD that are fed up with putting everyone else’s needs first.
With Boundaries & Balance you’ll learn how to:
Create time for you (and make it non-negotiable)
Feel accomplished (even when there are still things on your to-do list)
Ask for help from your family (and feel taken care of)
Say yes to things you want to do and no to things you don’t (without the guilt)
Easily communicate with your partner (even about the hard stuff)
Reclaim yourself and your time (stop spinning your wheels! You’ve got this)
Here’s how we’ll do it, The Boundaries & Balance Process:
Say yes to yourself 💕
Define what you really want
Reprogram the limiting beliefs & stories in your head
Learn how to set boundaries for me-time
Say no to others 🛑
Learn how to talk to your partner about the hard stuff
Create healthy boundaries with work, your partner, your kids, and your pets
Prioritize the things that matter most
Reclaim yourself and your time 🏖️
Create space for the things you really want to do
Learn how to delegate and ask for help (without the guilt)
Feel energized instead of depleted
We begin on March 15th and I only offer this program ONCE a year.
When you enroll you’ll get:
6 x Weekly Group Coaching Calls ($585 value)
2 x Private Coaching Sessions ($315 value)
Thoughtful Journaling Guide PDF ($50 value)
5 Mindful Meditation Videos ($100 value)
Plus these BONUSES:
10 Daily Journaling Prompts ($25 value)
5 Mindful Yoga Videos ($125 value)
Join now and save 20%! Get Boundaries & Balance
