What the Subconscious Mind Thinks About Failure

You have a story in your head about what it means to fail, and whether it’s a good thing or not. 

Your subconscious mind either helps or hinders you, but sometimes it's not clear which one it's doing. As a child you likely either gave up easily or kept stubbornly trying when something didn’t go your way based on your subconscious beliefs. 

When I was a kid I fell off the playground bars into the tanbark below. I was in first grade at the time, and was so startled by the incident. I had bits of tanbark stuck to my clothes, all over my body, and even in my eyes. It was so scary to me that I never got on the bars again. That seems like a pretty big decision for a six-year-old, but I was taught to be risk-averse. 

If I could avoid fear at all costs that was a good thing. Which in hindsights is ridiculous to me.

I want to go back in time and scoop up my six-year-old self and reassure myself that it’s ok to fall and it’s ok to try again. 

Just because you fell once doesn't mean you’re going to fall the same way again. 

You learn something every time you fall, that helps you to move forward. What might have happened if someone asked me what I learned from falling? I might not have lived with so much fear and anxiety. 

Fast forward to adulthood, when I finished yoga teacher training I wanted to be a full-time yoga teacher and decided to add children's yoga to my offerings. 

I found a space I could rent cheaply. I made about twenty flyers and two Facebook posts. Do you think anyone ever showed up? Nope! 

I was so risk-averse that even though I was trying something new, I didn’t put myself out there. 

I didn’t pound the pavement so to speak. I just sat quietly every week waiting for clients to walk in the door Field of Dreams Style. 

No one ever came and I kept at it for six weeks. 

But during that time I made connections with the people in that space which led to teaching yoga for a children’s summer camp and teaching a yoga class to senior citizens for the summer. 

I learned that when you run your own business it’s important to share what you do so that people can actually find you.  

Failure doesn't always look the way you might expect, sometimes it feels like disappointment, other times like extreme heartache. 

I shifted the language in my head, so instead of labeling a setback as a failure, I label it as a chance to grow. 

Each time I’m given an opportunity to grow, I feel through my feelings and then ask myself, “what’s the next step?”

When I approach each failure as a chance to grow, I give myself permission to make mistakes and keep trying.

What has failure taught you? 

If your first thought is, “I don’t know”, you’re not alone. That likely means there’s more to the story and that’s OK. I find that journaling helps me unpack the “I don’t knows” by letting me be an observer to my own thoughts instead of being overrun by them.

If you’d like my favorite tips on journaling, get your free copy of the Thoughtful Journaling Guide here.

Kerstin Phillips is a Life Coach & Yoga Instructor living in Berkeley, California with her daughter, husband, and kitty, Pesto.

She loves to journal, read, do all things yoga, and hike in Tilden.

Kerstin guides women and non-binary folx out from the shadows so they can embrace their true selves, feel confident in their decisions, and define their purpose, because everyone is valuable and no one deserves to be overlooked.