How to Take Sh*t Off Your Plate
I used to think that everyone else was smarter than me.
I thought I needed to look outside myself to know what I should do.
I shut down the voice in my head that’s called intuition.
I’d fallen into the shoulds and I didn’t know I was stuck there.
I believed that I:
Should go to college
Should get married
Should get a 9 to 5 with decent benefits
Should push myself to frustration and exhaustion and not complain
Do I regret going to college?
No, that was an important time of growth and self discovery.
Do I regret getting married?
Absolutely not, Nathan is my rock and partner for life.
Do I regret having a 9 to 5 with decent benefits?
Not completely, more so I regret how long I kept at it when I felt miserable doing it.
Do I regret pushing myself to frustration and exhaustion and not complaining?!
Abso-freakin-lutely!!
We’ve got a problem in our society and no matter how you label it: hustle culture, badge of burnout, unchecked capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy….
We’re left with so many of us feeling like chickens with our heads cut off as we try to make it through our day.
We’re attempting to focus on too many things, feeling like we’re responsible for all of them, and that there isn’t enough time to do them all.
How many of these do you consider your responsibilities?
Laundry (for more than just yourself)
Dishes (so. Many. dishes.)
Working just to pay the bills
Grocery shopping
Helping/supporting your coworkers (even when it’s not your job)
Getting your kids to and from school/martial arts/band practice/therapy/playdates
Cleaning the house
Feeding/walking/cleaning up after your pets
Managing the family calendar
Reminding (scratch that, nagging) your kids to clean their room, take their dishes to the kitchen, and that onechore you have them do each week.
I’m exhausted just writing that list.
Before you turn into a ball of overwhelm, pause for a hot second and ask yourself why, and I mean get super curious.
Why do you believe it’s your responsibility to do all the things?
If judgemental thoughts pop up, thank your inner critic for bringing them to your attention, and that you’ve got this. (because you do, even if it doesn’t feel like it)
As you ask yourself why, take it deeper, turn into any annoying 3 year and keep asking yourself why until you find the real reason you take all this stuff on.
Hint, hint, this works super well as a journaling exercise. Literally have a conversation with yourself on the page, it might look like this:
Why do you believe it’s your responsibility to do all these things?
Because it’s what I’m supposed to do.
Why are you supposed to do all these things.
Because it’s my responsibility.
(you might get stuck in a little loop here, if that happens, you can switch it up and ask a “what” question, those are great for getting more info)
What is your responsibility?
Taking care of my family.
Why is it your responsibility to take care of your family?
Because I’m the woman/wife/mom.
Why does being the woman/wife/mom make it your responsibility?
Because the man is supposed to go out and work and I’m supposed to stay home and take care of everything in the house, those are my responsibilities.
Is it reasonable for you to do all of house responsibilities?
No, I don't have enough time.
Why not?
Because I have my own work to do, I don’t have enough time to dedicate to the house and my job(s).
Bingo!
Your why answers may be different AND I bet yours are still in the same vein as mine.
Society conditioned you to do all the household stuff and to not share the burden because of the industrial revolution. Men were given all the outside the house labor while women were given the inside the house labor, and that is ridiculous because your gender doesn’t determine your skills or your preferences.
What are the things you enjoy doing or feel satisfied when you do them?
Me, I love loading the dishwasher, it’s like a meditation for me. So even though I grumble about it when my husband works from home and uses 3 bowls throughout the day (and doesn’t unload the clean dishes from the dishwasher) I still find joy in putting the clean dishes away and loading the dirty ones in.
For the things you don’t love doing, check in with the rest of your family, there might be someone who’s stoked to vacuum or play a game of hide and seek by collecting everyone’s used cups and bringing them to the kitchen.
It doesn’t have to all be on your plate.
It doesn’t have to all be on your shoulders.
You have more support than you know, get curious, ask the other humans in your life and they'll surprise you.
Journaling Prompt: Why do you believe it’s your responsibility to do all the things?
I want something different for next year. I’m not one for setting resolutions, I gave up on them years ago, I don’t really see the point of trying to make a change that won’t stick.