The Real Thing Holding Me Back
I don’t want to appear boastful or too showy.
The truth is I have a gift and it's feeling crazy-scary-impossible to get these words out, so I'm just going to tell you before I stop myself.
When you're told repeatedly that you ask stupid questions, that you need to stop showing off, and just go along with the program... you shut parts of yourself down. You tell yourself that you're broken, wrong, and not "right."
You've tried to conform to all of the “shoulds” put on you by every adult that ever cared for you, any older kids or friends you looked up to, and society and patriarchy.
Which has left you broken, but not in the way you think.
You're living a half life, only exposing the parts of you deemed fit or okay for society and you've shoved all of your weird, excited, inquisitive, smarty-pants parts into a tiny little box that's bursting at the seams.
So you tamp the box down more until you feel truly broken.
You feel broken because you've cut off parts of yourself.
How do I know this? because I've done this to myself too.
Let me paint you a picture…
Imagine me as a 3rd grader, blonde hair, huge fan of Punky Brewster, and with a massive Barbie collection.
I wrote to a brand new pen pal telling her how I was weird. That I was wearing every color of the rainbow that day on purpose: blue pants, yellow shirt, green and orange ribbons in my hair, purple socks, and red shoes. I was proud of my weirdness, but she never wrote back to me.
I was inquisitive and ask questions all the time to better understand my world but my friends told me that I ask stupid questions ...so I shut my mouth and stopped asking questions. Years later, I had a full-blown meltdown in college when a professor simply asked me to ask a question.
I got supporting roles in school plays—Glenda the Good Witch, Doc the Dwarf. I looooooooooooved being on stage.
I was good at asking questions. I was good at being creative and thinking outside the box, but I hid all of my gifts.
I shoved them into my own box because I didn't want the ridicule.
I was a confident little kid. But because my confidence made other kids feel self-conscious they made fun of me, so I learned that confidence was bad. I didn’t want to bother people. I didn't want to take up too much space or take up space from other people and make them feel uncomfortable.
This is hard for me to write AND it's important to remind myself that:
I’m good at acting.
I ‘m good at asking questions.
I ‘m good at being creative.
I’m awesomely weird.
I'm good at helping you unearth the things about yourself that you shoved into your box.
Remember you're not broken, you've just cut yourself off from the parts of you that you were told were wrong.
Those parts of you are NOT wrong. They're beautiful, important, and are the things that will help you to feel whole!
But you're going to keep feeling broken until you heal your connection to those parts of you and I'm here to help you heal.
You can't do this healing work alone, it's too painful.
You need an outside perspective, someone who understands what you're going through.
That’s what I offer in my retreats, workshops, group-coaching, and private coaching. A judgement-free space to explore, find, and heal the real you. Make sure you’re on the email list, so you’re in the loop and don’t miss my next event.
I've seen clients have breakthroughs in hours that took years in therapy.
Christina found awareness and self acceptance
“I’ve learned that each side of me is allowed and welcome. Not all get equal say or input but they are each recognized and heard. I’m so grateful for this level of awareness and self acceptance every single day. Thank you, Kerstin, for walking me to this next level of freedom." - Christina R.
Cat felt “awake” and present for the first time in years
“I started my journey with Kerstin in late 2023. I took my first in-person and heated yoga class with her as instructor. I knew I was hooked, and I could tell right away that Kerstin has a special gift for helping people. As soon as her Boundaries & Balance course became available I enrolled right away. I started to feel lighter in my head, my body, and my spirit. It felt like I was ‘awake’ and present for the first time in years.All the while, I was taking as many of her in-person yoga classes and seeing further mental and now, physical improvements. I was so excited with all these good things that started happening from Kerstin entering my life, that I took further leaps and enrolled in her 1-1 private coaching sessions. Through tailored, personal, customized coaching, I got to discover more about who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.
Coaching with Kerstin always felt like talking to a best friend, but without the baggage of judgment or shame when disclosing deep personal thoughts. And finally, at present day - my life is a 180 in the best possible way from where it had been less than a year ago. I don’t know where I would be without Kerstin’s gentle guidance, support and encouragement. She also poses challenging questions, she makes you think and dig deep; and she is the kindest, neutral third-party that can offer advice and expertise. I owe my happiness, healthiness, and mental radiance to Kerstin’s courses and friendship. I cannot recommend her enough. Whether you know exactly what it is that you seek, or don’t even realize that you’re stuck and are seeking something - Kerstin will help you get there. ” - Cat
Stop trying to shove yourself into a box so others will accept you and instead draw your full self out of the box so you can accept yourself.
Join me in stepping out of the box!
