The Truth About My Inner Dialogue
Your inner dialogue wants to support you, but it sees change as the enemy.
It wants to keep you stuck in your familiar routine because that feels safe. The thing is though, you don’t have to stay there, it is possible to reframe the thoughts in your head so that they can encourage you to take a step forward instead of dragging you back two steps.
Picture this, a tall oak tree casting shade and shadow across the ground and within that giant shadow, a tiny seedling trying to find the sun.
As it grows, the seedling might move in unusual ways, perhaps more sideways, diagonal, up and then down, perhaps not the way a tree should look. By taking on these different unique shapes this little seedling can find the sun, it can grow, and one day be a big tall oak tree.
What is it that makes an oak tree an oak tree?
Is it its height, the span of its branches? No, it’s the smaller things, the shape of its leaves, the texture of its bark, its DNA. Each tree has its own unique shape based on its life journey, how much sun and water it had, and how easily it could grow towards the sun.
We’re a lot like an oak tree.
Our life experiences shape us into the people we become, if we had fewer resources we likely worked harder to get to our place in the sun.
When I think back on my childhood I see:
A middle class family that always had more than enough food on the table (and more snacks that a normal human could eat),
An expectation for a good education (but only as far a bachelor’s degree, anything beyond that was a waste of time and money),
Music is a good hobby, (but not something to pursue professionally, that takes too much talent).
What did that shape me into?
A confused adult
I was proud of my education, but felt like I needed to settle for a job that would pay the bills and give me good health benefits, rather than choosing something that gave me purpose and joy.
I felt like a black sheep for wanting to be a pop singer and stifled when I wasn’t understood.
I settled for a job as an accountant, I got married, had a kid, bought a house, then felt completely lost because I checked off all the things I was supposed to do. I felt so lost and alone, and because feelings weren’t a discussed thing of my childhood, I didn’t know how to talk to my partner about everything happening in my head.
I battled depression, anxiety, and uncertainty that I was on the right path. It sucked big time.
Something had to change, but what?
My inner dialogue needed a change.
It kept me feeling stuck and small. That voice kept me in worry and doom by saying over and over:
“I can’t go because there will be no where to park”
“My voice doesn’t matter”
“No one wants to hear what I think”
“Everyone is smarter than me”
“They know better than me, so just listen and don’t interrupt”
“If you interrupt they’ll get mad and you don’t want their rath”
“I must be prepared for everything”
On the outside, no one was the wiser, I had the best poker face.
My co-workers would ask me how I stayed so calm when a sh*t-storm happened at work. I don’t remember what I told them, it didn’t matter anyway, because inside I was a mess, that outlook was just a mask of calm. There to protect me from too many questions and negative reactions.
That was my life, somehow getting out of bed each day, doing the things I had to do, like go to work, buy groceries, and do the laundry. But everything felt soooooo difficult. I was depressed and miserable.
I want to say that I waved a magic wand and all of the misery went away and now I live the life of my dreams.
That would be complete and utter B.S.
My life IS much better now AND it takes continued work to make that happen.
Here are the things that helped me transform my inner dialogue
taking yoga
becoming a yoga teacher
regular journaling (nearly daily)
creating a journaling process called Thoughtful Journaling
getting professional help from life coaches & therapists (including a hypnotherapist)
becoming a life coach.
My journey is unique, it’s my own, and I bet if you’re reading this right now that parts of my journal overlap with yours.
Parts of my journey sound a lot like yours.
If you’re still in the depression/anxiety/stuck phase you are not alone and it’s not your fault.
Let me repeat that, you are not alone and it’s not your fault if you feel depressed, anxious, or stuck.
Our society kinda sucks by perpetuating martyrdom type behavior especially for women (you know where you gotta help and care for everyone else around you before you even think about doing something for yourself).
You are unique. You matter. Your needs matter. Your wants matter.
And if you don’t believe me, then you’re in the right place. (Seriously, this is a safe space to redefine how you see yourself).
What makes you YOU?
I’ve got a few tools that can help you figure out what makes you YOU:
The Thoughtful Journaling Guide gives you an easy five step way to journal so that it feels good (and you can trust yourself on the page). This guide is great for those that love to read when learning new things. Get the Thoughtful Journaling Guide HERE.
I offer Thoughtful Journaling Workshop a few times a year, it’s a great way to experience the steps with actual time to practice. The workshop is designed for busy folks that need dedicated time to try new things. Click this link to get the Thoughtful Journaling Guide and join my email list, so you’ll be the first to know of my next workshop.
One on one coaching, this is one of the best ways that I support people and help them to reframe their inner thoughts so they can do the things they actually want to do (like finish a dissertation, become a microblade artist, and create safe boundaries in an unhealthy work environment). To explore working one on one with me, Book a consultation HERE.
I believe in you. Do you believe in yourself?
Kerstin Phillips is a Life Coach & Yoga Instructor, E-RYT 200 living in Berkeley, California with her daughter, husband, and kitties, Pesto & Tacocat.
She loves to journal, read, do all things yoga, and hike in Tilden.
Kerstin guides women and non-binary folx out from the shadows so they can embrace their true selves, feel confident in their decisions, and define their purpose, because everyone is valuable and no one deserves to be overlooked.
