The 3 Simple Steps to Reframe Inner Beliefs

What are the simple one-line stories that you tell yourself?

Like you're bad at math. You can't keep time. You're always late. Everyone cancels on you. You don't have time for the things you want to do. Those are all inner beliefs and none of them are true.

The stories you tell yourself hold you back from being happy because those stories limit the way that you see the world, the way that you see your life, and the way that you see yourself.

Many of your stories cause you to put everyone else's needs first. You have to make dinner, you need to get your kids ready for bed, you should help your coworker with their proposal. Controversial question, do you have to do those things?

When we pause and look from a different angle, we uncover that most things you label as need or should are not true.

You're likely saying to me right now, but I have to feed my kids they can't feed themselves. That's valid. There are responsibilities that you have to do. I'm not denying their importance, I'm questioning whether you are the only person on this planet that can do those things every time. Even if you are a single parent you likely have a friend, neighbor or relative that would love to feed your kids every once in a while. But if you never ask you won't know that they would be so stoked to do that. Instead you have the story in your head that you're asking too much to ask someone else for support.

The story on repeat in my head is that I'm bugging people when I ask them for anything.

This affected every aspect of my life including friendships that could have been so much deeper. I assumed I was bugging them every time I texted or emailed, even when I didn’t ask for something. That I was this annoying fly in their life and they were only friends with me out of pity. 

This belief affects my business, I don't want to bother potential clients so that means I don't even reach out a little bit. It's hard as an entrepreneur to see my own inner dialogue, my own inner story, holding me back. I stunted my business because I'm afraid of bothering other people. The truth is most people thank me when I remind them about a call or a lunch date. And every time I reach out to them I have to reassure myself that they want to hear from me.

That’s been a huge shift for me, shifting my belief that I'm bugging people to they want to hear from me.

So how do you reframe inner beliefs? 

Step One: Notice

When you notice each time you say I’m always late. I can’t wait for Friday. I don’t want to go to work. I need to make dinner. Just notice, be patient with yourself. Thoughts of judgment will come up, like you’re a failure, you’re awful. Those negative thoughts are totally normal!! And they don’t have to be true any more. 

Step Two: Pause 

For me that looks like saying the word “interesting'' (out loud or in my head, depending on where I am). When I say the word “interesting'' that means it's time to stop and consider a new way of wording what I just set. I ask myself, what’s another way of looking at this? You don’t need to have an exact answer in this moment, you’re training your mind to be curious, to consider another way of looking at the situation. That curiosity opens the door to lasting change. 

Step Three: Reframe (i.e. putting it all together)

When you catch yourself repeating an inner belief, say new words to replace that belief. Like replacing “I’m bugging them” with “they want to hear from me.” It’s OK if you don’t fully believe it at first. You’re rewiring your brain and that takes time. You learned your inner beliefs between the ages of 0 and 7. So that’s a long time to repeat them to yourself. 

This process takes time. You won't do this overnight, it just won't happen that quickly. Be patient with yourself, It might take a few weeks, a few months, maybe even a few years. Then there will be a day where you realize you didn’t hear that inner belief even once and you’ll feel ecstatic that you made that change! 

Bonus Step: Celebration

Tiny celebrations are the best hack for your brain because they give you instant positive gratification. So each time you notice an inner belief, celebrate that you noticed that. Each time you pause, celebrate that pause. Each time you rewrite an inner belief, celebrate that. 

Tiny, simple celebrations are the easiest (and fastest) way to lock in a new habit or belief. I’ve got a fun Instagram Reel where I show you some of my favorites. Check out simple celebrations here. 

What stories or beliefs hold you back? 

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