My Relationship With Rest

When I was a freshman in college I took regular power naps. I’d fit in 20 minutes of completely passing out in between my afternoon classes. I had this tiny little travel alarm clock that I’d put under my pillow and when it chirped I’d hop out of bed and continue on with my day. That time was my reset and allowed me to stay up until 1am each night to finish studying or hang out with my friends. It felt good and normal to take those naps. 

But then I left college and there wasn’t space for napping. I got a job as an environmental educator in Brooklyn, NY where I was the guest science teacher in schools all over Brooklyn. My favorite classes were when I got to talk about rocks and minerals and plate tectonics, those were the most fun for me. But there wasn’t space to nap. 

My job was fulltime and though I had a coworker (or two) that would nap under their desks from time to time, I knew that behavior was frowned upon and I didn’t dare try it myself. We were supposed to work our 8 hours and take our lunch and 15 minute breaks. So what did I do to compensate? I slept in super late on the weekends. 

Every Saturday and Sunday, I’d be furious if anyone tried to call me before 1pm. That was my time to catch up on sleep. I continued that trend up until I became a parent (because babies and toddlers don’t let you sleep in). 

Then there was the blissful time when I napped with my daughter. I didn’t get to do it every weekend, but when I did it I felt like a whole new human and the day felt a lot more manageable. 

Around age 4 my daughter stopped napping and now instead of sleeping in the afternoons I had to keep my cranky child from becoming more cranky. Distraction through snacks and TV became my tools and I usually watched TV with them as my rest time, but it wasn’t the same as napping. 

Now, my daughter turns 15 at the end of the month which means it’s rare that they get up early, so I can sleep in, but now I find I don’t want to. When I sleep in late I feel groggy and like I’ve wasted my day. I spend the rest of the day cramming things in. 

Part of me wants to nap, but after I lie down for more than 5 minutes I’m thinking of all the things I need to do. I force myself back up so I can go do ten more things before the day and weekend is over. It’s the worst on Sundays where I spin myself out, wanting to prep for my week and have down time. It’s like I’m fighting with myself. When I’m folding laundry I’m thinking “I should really lie down for 10 minutes.” When I’m lying down I’m thinking “I should really go start the dishwasher”. 

It’s not fair to deny myself rest and there’s this prevalent guilt that seeps in. So how do I work through this paradox? Well the first thing is to notice.

You can’t fix what you don’t see. You can’t change what you don’t know.  

I notice when I am exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, or pulled in more directions than I can count. That’s my clue to do something different. 

Rest doesn’t have to be taking a nap. It can be reading, doing yoga, taking a walk, shutting your eyes for 5 minutes wherever you are sitting. 

When I desperately want to sit still and I feel super duper distracted, I turn to reading. It gives my mind something to focus on and it feeds my need for accomplishment by finishing a chapter or seeing how many pages I read. The downside is that most of the time I’m reading I’m doing it as an escape. Which isn’t what I want either. 

This is a problem I’m working through, carving out space for rest.

My rest looks like: meditating for 10 minutes everyday, even when that feels difficult. Taking yoga. Journaling when my mind feels pulled in every direction, even though when I’m in that most wound up state that’s the last thing I want to do. Closing my eyes and taking 3 deep breaths.

My relationship with rest is a work in progress and I keep reminding myself that noticing is the first step. The more I am aware of when I need a pause, the easier it is to make space.

Journaling prompt: What’s your relationship with rest?

Top Tip: Journaling helps you feel clear because when you write your words on paper you become an observer of your thoughts and emotions instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. Use the Thoughtful Journaling Method to make your journaling easier. 

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Kerstin Phillips is a Life Coach, Yoga Instructor, and Journaling Coach who helps women reclaim their time, set non negotiable boundaries, and ditch the shame/guilt/doubt cycle. Get weekly top tips in your inbox and the FREE Thoughtful Journaling Guide here.

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