You Don’t Have to Be Nice

I resisted posting this because I didn’t wanna to upset anyone or think badly of me. But, I have to laugh because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had to send to post this because of all those reasons. 

My default is to be nice which means making everyone happy, everyone except me.

The problem with being nice is that it comes at the cost of your values and dignity. 

When you're nice you shove your needs so far to the side that they fall out the window, roll onto the road, and get run over by a big rig truck. That doesn’t feel good. 

Let’s stop taking the nice path and choose the kind road instead.

Ditching the nice doesn't mean that you now have to be mean. Choose to be kind instead of nice.

Being nice is not the same as being kind. 

Being nice means giving up your power, ignoring your values, and pushing your boundaries to the side. Being kind is respecting the other person’s perspective and honoring your needs. Being nice is keeping the peace and not wanting to upset anyone. Being kind is offering a reflection or a hard truth for someone that you love. 

You don’t have to be nice to be a good person. 

Kindness comes from a place of love and support which doesn’t always mean that people are gonna be happy with what you say, their feelings are not a direct reflection of your kindness.

Nice is… 

• overly sweet. 

• saying bless you when you really mean f-you

• beating around the bush.

• holding your tongue and catering to the other person's needs while ignoring your own.

• leaving the last piece of cake for someone else to eat and trying to convince yourself that you don't deserve it.

• expecting everyone to figure out when you're upset 

• doing your kid’s laundry every other day so they can wear their favorite shirt again and again.

• cooking a separate dinner for your kid even when you're so hungry you can barely see straight.

Kind is… 

• setting healthy boundaries so you no longer feel like a doormat. 

• genuine, heartfelt, and sometimes blunt.

• eating the last piece of cake because you're hungry and it's your favorite type of cake.

• taking yourself to the gym because you told yourself you would work out more.

• keeping promises to yourself.

• telling your boss you need more flexibility in your schedule.

• teaching your kid how to do their own laundry and helping them choose a day the week to do it so they can establish a routine to take them into adulthood.

• teaching your kid how to make their favorite foods.

• feeding yourself first on the days you're so hungry that you can't think straight.

• putting your oxygen mask on first 

Being nice means that you're not being kind to yourself. 

Nice is all about other people and their needs and ignoring your own. Society tries to tell you that being nice is the nice thing to do, it's the right thing to do. But even when you say the word nice your face goes into this scrunchy-shape that feels more like a cringe than a smile. 

When you're kind you take your own needs into account as well as the other person. Being kind is more inclusive.

When you’re kind you bring both your needs and the other person’s into the equation. 

Journaling Prompt: What does being nice vs. being kind look like for you?

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