Part 1: Are my Friends Energy Drains or Energy Gains?
How to Make (and maintain) Friendships as Adults, a six-part series
How many times have you sat through a one-sided conversation that you just wanted to gracefully exit, but you felt responsible to listen as the other human word vomited on you because they don't have anyone else to talk to like this?
By the end of that one sided conversation you felt rung out like a wet sponge left at the bottom of the sink. Too heavy to do all the things you still needed to do that day.
That’s the sign of an energy draining friendship and those ones don't serve you.
I know, I know, they don’t have anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that you’re responsible for giving them all of your energy. You need your energy too.
It’s just as important for you to feel energized and understood, the whole fill up your cup first thing.
What does that look like?
It’s easier to see the things that bother us, because they irk us, the conversations and what-ifs linger in our heads, so you gotta look a little bit harder to see the things that do the opposite.
How to spot a good energy friend:
1. Even when you’re super tired, you feel energized after you hang out with them
2. They get your ramblings even when you feel like you’re not making any sense
3. Time bends when you hang out together
4. You can go spans of time without seeing them
5. When you hang out it feels normal/right/comfortable
6. You both feel energized and understood, during and after you hang out
Those are the signs of a good friend match
Journaling Activity: Do you have more drainers or gainers in your life?
Make a quick list of the 10-20 people that you spend the most time with, circle all the names of the people that are good energy humans for you, and cross out all the names that are energy drainers. Don’t think too hard about it, go with your first gut reaction.
P.S. Stay tuned for Part Two: How to bravely invite people to hang out
I want something different for next year. I’m not one for setting resolutions, I gave up on them years ago, I don’t really see the point of trying to make a change that won’t stick.