Part 2: How to Bravely Invite People to Hang Out
How to Make (and Maintain) Friendships as Adults, a Six-Part Series
How do you know who you want to hang out with? It’s an important question and if you don’t consider it, you’ll likely end up spending time with a bunch of Debbie Downers that suck the life out of you or finding yourself all alone when really you want company.
Before we dive in toooooo deep, I want to recognize the importance of solo time, we need that too. So if you’re craving alone time, stick with that. If you’re wanting more meaningful connections that charge your batteries and leave you feeling whole, read on.
Look for signs
The signs I look for to know I want to hang out with someone:
Spotting someone wearing one of my favorite colors
Having one of those eye connection, I get you moments
It feels easy to talk to them
Listen to your intuition
Your intuition is a helpful thing, but how do you know when it’s your intuition driving you vs. your anxiety? Both are strong forces that put thoughts in your head, like “have I met them before?” and bring sensations into your body, like sweaty palms and warm fuzzy feelings.
An easy way to tell if it’s intuition or anxiety is if the thought or sensation has you worrying about the future, it’s anxiety. If the thought or sensation feels more like curiosity, wonder, or excitement, then it’s intuition. In those moments ask yourself, what am I feeling right now?
Go instead of wait
I used to be the queen of waiting, I’d see the signs, “They’re wearing my favorite shade of purple!” My intuition would nudge me closer, “They just said my favorite line from Legally Blonde!” Then I would tell myself, “I can say something next time, they look too busy and don’t have time to talk to me now.” And then I’d never see them again or the right time never materialized.
Take action now instead of waiting for later or a better time. The best time is NOW, while you’re feeling connected to them, and if you wait then anxiety and doubt win.
Your words don’t need to be perfect. Start simple and small. “I love the shade of purple of your leggings!” “Did I just hear you quoting Legally Blonde? That’s one of my favorite movies.” (and even if they weren’t quoting it, you just started a convo, so it’s a win win. If they’re a total a-hole you’ll know right away and if they love Legally Blonde too, then you’ve just bonded with your new BFF).
Hooray! You just made a connection with someone. When your intuition nudges you to ask them to get tea or visit your favorite bookshop, ask them in that moment!! Don’t wait. If that feels to frightening start small, say something like, “I feel a connection with you, would it be cool if we connected on instagram?”
Do you know how many times I’ve said that to folks? SO. MANY. TIMES. Has anyone been weird about it? Nope! We humans crave connection and we’re flattered when someone else asks to connect with us because 9 times out of 10 the other person feels just as nervous as you do.
“You playing small does not serve the world.” - Marianne Williamson
Journaling exercise:
What signs or things draw me to other people? (think colors, favorite animals, personality traits, or words that feel like secret passwords to the speakeasy of your heart)
What am I feeling right now? (anxiety = fear or worry about the future, intuition = curiosity, wonder, or excitement)
What stops you from starting a conversation or making a new connection?
Follow these steps to ask people to hang out with you: Look for signs, Follow your intuition, and Go instead of wait. You’ll be hanging out with the folks that get you, energize you, and quote your favorite movies.
P.S. If you missed Part 1: Are my Friends Energy Drains or Energy Gains, catch up here.
I want something different for next year. I’m not one for setting resolutions, I gave up on them years ago, I don’t really see the point of trying to make a change that won’t stick.