What’s the Difference Between Excuses and Reasons?
Do you have one of those friends that has an excuse for everything? Everytime you invite them to something they've got four reasons why that won't work. You start to doubt why you're still friends with them, it's such an effort to stay connected.
That used to be me, the 20 excuses person: it might rain, I don’t have anything nice enough to wear, what if there’s a major earthquake, we’ll never find parking, I’ll be too tired, I’ll just say something stupid, I’ve got too much work to do...
I’d always think of the worst case scenario first which had me saying no to everything! I desperately wanted to be invited and included, but I managed to destroy any chances of connection with my ridiculous excuses.
I once emailed an acquaintance that I longed to be besties with, asking to hang out, except I didn’t ask to hang out.
Instead I went on a diatribe about how I’m a total lightweight because I knew she loved wine and I assumed there would be wine involved if we hung out. Plus she lived 30 minutes away from me across a bridge, so I knew if I wanted to see her that I would have to drive across said bridge and I definitely could not do that if wine was involved.
I must have sounded like I lost my mind because instead of asking to hang out I’d written a short essay on all the reasons (a.k.a. excuses) why we couldn’t hang out.
That email was a call for help. I wanted her to help me figure out how to overcome all the obstacles blocking me from hanging out with her. But that wasn’t her responsibility and looking back, she was going through her own sh*t then, she didn’t have the space to help me work through mine too.
I want to pause here for a hot second because there’s a difference between an excuse and a reason.
With our hustle, must-do-all-the-things culture, those two words are often blended together, so let me break them down here.
An Excuse is something that blocks you from doing something you actually want to do, or is what you say to someone else when you don’t want to hurt their feelings for not doing something.
For example, you dream of opening a flower shop because you love arranging flowers and you’re really good at it too, your arrangements are the bomb! But, you do nothing about your dream because you tell yourself that you don’t have enough time or money to even consider opening a flower shop. Unless you have done the math and fully figured out what it would cost and the time it would take and you’ve exhausted every possible financial avenue for fulfilling your dream, telling yourself that you don’t have enough time and money is an excuse.
Alternatively, when your mom asks you to bring flowers to your grandma’s birthday party, but you just want to sleep in as late as humanly possible, so you tell your mom that you overslept, that’s an excuse.
A good way to tell if you’ve just used an excuse is whether you feel guilty afterwards, if you do, it’s likely an excuse.
A Reason is a tangible-real life or external thing that’s stopping you from doing something.
For example, when there’s a new moon followed by a full moon with a total eclipse your energy is seriously zapped. When that’s followed by your period AND catching a cold you are legitimately tired. Those are real reasons to stay home, stay in, and glue yourself to the couch with three large pots of tea.
Those are also all valid reasons for sleeping through your alarm.
When you are tired because of the new moon, a new job, your period, or the cat/baby keeping you up all night, those are reasons for needing more sleep.
So instead of saying I overslept (which is an excuse), say I needed more sleep (because that’s the true reason behind sleeping longer).
Excuses exist within your mind and come from your limiting beliefs.
Reasons come from external forces or situations in your life.
We often blend the two together because our society demands that we show up and be 110% all the time, but that’s just not possible. We are cyclical beings, our energy fluctuates.
So the next time a thought pops into your head wanting you to say no to something ask yourself is this an excuse or a reason?
I’m still working on my excuses vs. reasons, AND the more I notice and identify them, the easier it is to see where my limiting beliefs hold me back.
What are your excuses holding you back from?
This post was inspired by me legitimately needing more sleep (that example of the new moon/eclipse/period/sick was my past month) and when I slept through my alarm and ended up being 20 minutes late to my yoga teacher training I texted the trainer saying I'd overslept and that got me thinking. That wasn't an excuse, I legitimately needed more sleep. I posted a reel on instagram about it, if you want to see it, be sure to follow me on IG and my business page on Facebook .
