Why Does Fear Hold Me Back?

Indecision should have been my middle name. 

It ruled my life to the point that I felt helpless. I was so dependent on the opinions of others that I could never make up my mind, I kept questioning myself. 

That self-doubt meant that I overplanned everything to excess. 

If I was going on vacation I made lists weeks in advance with everything I could possibly need to the point you’d assume I was going far into the bush without a grocery store or spec of civilization in site. That’s just too much stress. It wasn’t necessary and probably would have been good for me to forget my toothbrush or have to make do without my favorite socks. Those are all things I could have easily picked up if I’d forgotten to pack them. 

My overplanning also made me late to everything. 

I always needed to have a bottle of water with me, because otherwise I’d die of thirst. I say this in jest now, but I still always have a water bottle with me, it’s a habit and a need that I can’t shake. So that’s one for me to dig in deeper to discover why I always need water with me. 

The thing is, aside from my husband and a few select people, no one knew how much I struggled. 

I hid it really really well. Most people thought I was just super organized. They had no idea the torment I experienced in my head. I doubted myself at every turn and looked for external answers and signs of what to do next.

I’d like to say I’ve fully cured myself of this desire for other people’s opinions and that I no longer have indecision, but that just isn’t true. 

I’m still human after all and doubt is one of our human tendencies, it can be really helpful from time to time. It’s just when doubt plagues us non-stop that it’s a problem. 

So if I still have doubt and indecision, what’s helped me to function and to make choices that I know are my own? 

Well, for me yoga was the first thing. It taught me to connect my breath, mind, and body. 

When you’re in the doubting indecision death spiral you’re not connected to yourself. 

For me it feels like trying to cling to a cliff with just my fingernails and my feet tied together like a dead weight dragging me down. That’s a scary feeling every time. So when I feel that fear and disconnect yoga is usually the first thing that brings me back. 

Let me clarify that when I say yoga, I don’t necessarily mean yoga poses. 

Yoga is so much more than that. Yoga can be sitting still and taking three deep breaths. Yoga can be walking around the block and admiring every tree, bush, and flower that I pass. Yoga can be journaling too. When I connect pen to paper it brings me into the present moment and gives me an opportunity to observe my thoughts instead of feeling overrun by them. 

Those are the things that connect me back to myself, the present moment, and help me to choose what to do next from a mindful grounded space instead of a panicked fear space. 

What helps you connect to yourself? 

If you’re new to connecting to yourself, it might feel really scary and overwhelming. 

That’s totally normal if you feel that way and 100% NOT your fault. 

Our busy, crazy society that glorifies hustle culture encourages us to hide our fears and to ignore all negative thoughts. But the thing is, if we don’t acknowledge or feel into the negativity it only gets louder and eventually takes over. That’s the moment of burn out, panic attacks, deep depression, and a host of modern ailments. 

When you acknowledge your fears and negative thoughts there’s an opportunity to move through and past them. 

They are a part of you, don’t push them away, that only makes it worse.

It’s time to stop ignoring anything that’s considered negative and to work through it, whether that be through journaling, therapy, or coaching. 

Each of those tools gives you the space to become an observer. When you’re in the midst of fear and negativity it can feel impossible to do anything else, that’s why we need these tools and support to get us through. To help us to move past and understand, so that we can rewire our brains to make it easier in the future. 

I feel like I might not be making sense right now, this is a whole concept that only recently began to make sense to me. It’s important to know the difference between seeking the opinion of someone else because you don’t know what’s right for you and when you’re seeking help so that you can understand and choose for yourself.

There are so many people cheering for you and I’m one of them. 

I believe in you, in your abilities, your wisdom, and your path. 

You’re reading this for a reason right now. What might that be for you? 

If you want support in becoming an observer of your thoughts instead of being overrun by them, let’s chat. That’s the work that I do as a Catalyst Coach. I guide women and non-binary folks through life changes/transitions especially career, relationship, and those mid-life crises (regardless of age) where you feel stuck or don’t know who you are anymore. 

I’m in your corner cheering you on. You’ve got this!

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