Part 3: How to Banish the Should-Storm
Shoulds keep you stuck, they block your internal wisdom and they hold you back from asking for what you really want.
When you say “I should” or “I'm supposed to” it's because you're feeling guilt, a sense of obligation, or potential embarrassment.
Those are all normal feelings and they're just that, feelings.
When we dwell on our feelings they tend to fester, grow, and leave you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or like you just don't know what to do next.
Instead name your feelings so they lose their power over you.
Think of your feelings like greeting old school classmates, the ones you knew by reputation alone, but were never friends with.
Say:
“Hello guilt, I feel you today.”
“Hello dread, I sense you sneaking in.”
“Hello fear, were you hoping to take over today?”
“Hello embarrassment, I was expecting you.”
When you see your feelings for what they are, they lose their potency and their power over you. So the more you see them, the weaker they get, pretty cool huh?
I bet you're saying, “it can't be that simple.” and I say “Hello doubt, I thought you'd be here.”
Doubt is BFFs with fear, embarrassment, and guilt. He pops up anytime you think about trying something new or different because doubt wants to keep you safe in your predictable habits.
Doubt has no idea when your habits are no longer serving you. Doubt just wants everything to stay the same, forever.
Doubt is the number one thing that makes it feel impossible to make a change in your life.
Doubt blocks you from seeing the super simple solutions that are right in front of you.
Three of my one-on-one clients all said to me in the past month, “Why didn't I think of that? It's so simple.” To all three, I said, “because you haven't done it before. Your brain can't see the outcome so it doesn't think it's possible. That's super normal and there are zero things wrong with you for not thinking of a new perspective. It’s the shoulds getting in the way. ”
Get clear on identifying your feelings so you can name them and reduce their power every time you say or think “I should”.
Next week I’ll share what shoulds and assumptions have in common and how assumptions blocked me from a deeper connection with my husband.
Journaling Prompt: What feelings pop up when you say I should?
I want something different for next year. I’m not one for setting resolutions, I gave up on them years ago, I don’t really see the point of trying to make a change that won’t stick.